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I wish somebody would hold me like Donald Trump holds the flag shirt

 These new treatments are for people who already have a baseline of fitness,” she says during a Zoom consultation. “They’re meant to be an additional tool for people who want some extra help in toning and optimizing, and in getting back into their fitness routine.” Unlike the machines that are employed in the sports-medicine field, she explains, the new, cosmetically oriented devices mimic the course of a real, varied workout as much as possible and can alternate between the upper, lower, and oblique abs. I tell Chapas about my noncommittal commitment to Toomey’s training program to convince her that I am at least making an attempt to get back into shape, and she asks me to pull up my shirt. For a brief moment, I feel like the world’s least erotic cam girl. Since I am carrying some “excess fat” in my midsection, the plan is to start with the truSculpt iD, which, over two separate 15-minute sessions, will use radio-­frequency technology to slim my abdominal area, then proceed to my flanks; I’ll follow this with the new truSculpt Flex, which employs a separate round of electrical muscle stimulation to tighten those same areas, over four 45-minute-long sessions. “You need to wait at least two weeks to see even a hint of results,” Chapas says, explaining that the real payoff should reveal itself in about two months and will require maintenance every three months. (The effects of the Flex, which runs between $750 and $1,250 dollars per session, fade over time.)



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